The Fear of Life and Love
by dancing.on.the.kitchen.tiles
Summary: Formally called, "My So-Called Amazing Life". Rewritten and restarted! Fortune. Glamour. Fans. Performances. Awards. Fame. This is the true story of "Britain's Princess". This is the true story of Hayden Madden.
1. The Life I Lead

Fortune. Glamour. Fans. Performances. Awards. Fame.

**Sounds like a very appealing life, doesn't it?**

**How about...**

Drunken father who left your family at the age of 5, mother who went insane and forgot you by the age of six, and being raised by six brothers by your seventh birthday?

**Are you still longing for my so-called amazing life?**

**If so...**

Being in love with your brother's best friend, who you think secretly loves you back (and just happens to be one of the sexiest men in the country). Problem is that you've both seen love turn out very badly... and you both fear commitment.

**Think that's enough? I've only just begun.**

**This is the true story of "Britain's Princess".**

**This is the true story of Hayden Johanna Madden.**

* * *

**Hey! I started this story about a year and a half ago, and then life started getting hectic and I just stopped all together. But I've decided to give it another go so I have revised, renamed, and continued writing the story with hopes that someone will enjoy it! I'm going to try my best to update frequently and I hope that there is still some type of interest possibly left for this story. Thanks!**

**-Brittany**


	2. Wake Up Call

**"But mommy, my feets hurt!" whined the young girl.**

**"I know sweetheart, but your competition is tomorrow! Now let's try your routine one more time, and then I'll call daddy to pick up your brothers that way we can go out for some ice cream! You're doing perfectly except for a few small mistakes in your double pirouette..." **

_**But the little girl was no longer listening to what her mother had to say. She was too busy dreaming about that ice cream sundae she was going to have. With vanilla ice cream, and some whip cream... and a cherry! Gosh, she couldn't wait! **_

**"...so get in your beginning pose sweetie! Hayden, baby! HAYDEN!**

HAYDEN! HAYDEN JOHANNA! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED! WE"RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SOUND CHECK!"

"Oh go screw yourself Braden! I just got to sleep, so if I'm an hour late for a sound check that won't even start for another three hours I don't really give a damn!" I shouted back at the wall while glaring at it as if Braden would somehow feel my wrath and leave me alone. I waited for a moment and when there was no response I knew I had won the argument and returned to the comfort of my pillow.

Now I can probably guess what you're thinking…she's just another whiney, selfish, ungrateful popstar who doesn't give a damn about anything but herself. But quite honestly, if you hadn't slept in almost four days, would you not be a bit cranky as well?

Honestly, I'm usually a pretty kind person. According to every newspaper. Magazine and television program in Europe I'm just the bees-knees. Perfect entertainer, perfect body, perfect hair, perfect behavior…if only they could meet me at 5:30 in the morning! I'm sure they'd have tons to write about.

After coming to the conclusion I would not be able to return to my once peaceful slumber, I stumble out of the queen-sized bed, stretching and yawning, and take a moment to glance around at my surroundings. Not that there's very much to look at. It's just another hotel room. A room with two queen size beds with the sheets a mess, a television with a broken remote, a table and chairs that hold a bible and a phone book on top, and a night stand in between the two beds.

But what's on top of the nightstand is the only thing that makes my room different from all the others in the hotel. A photograph. Walking over to the nightstand, I take the picture into my hands and sit back down on the hotel bed. Looking down at the photograph, I'm immediately taken back to when it was taken, and it brings a smile to my face.

_It was taken three years ago at my Sweet Sixteen. The big party was disco themed, and everybody had to dress up as if they were from that ABBA loving, rollerblading, afro-picking time. And there were all seven of us in our big afros, neon colored tops, tight pants, and hoop earrings, looking as if we were heading to a clown festival. It was quite the sight to see. It was probably one of the best days of my life, as well as my favorite birthday._

_My oldest brother, Josh planned the whole thing. I was amazed at how well the party turned out though because he isn't really very coordinated. Not to mention his face in this picture was enough to make anyone die of laughter. _

_Then there was the oldest set of twins, Ryan and Jake. They are definitely the funniest part of the photo. They have a very dark style that involves eyeliner and a lot of black, so just imagine two grown men in floral pink and orange tops, and some dark black eyeliner. It was absolutely phenomenal! _

_Next, there's the other set of twins, Sean and Oli. Now surprisingly, Sean actually looked fairly good. He didn't wear a wig, because his hair is naturally afro, so his dark brown mop and "Saturday Night Fever" outfit suited him fairly well. But Oli just ruins whatever good we had going for us. Oliver is a professional football player on the Bolton Wanderers, so it should not come as any shock that he is a fairly toned and muscular young man. Those muscles might be good for the playing field, but not for pink skinny jeans and a tight neon green top. _

_Finally, there's Braden. He's the brother I yelled at not to long ago. He looked fairly suitable…well better than Oliver at least. Out of all my brothers, Braden is whom I'm closest to. We're only a year apart him with at twenty-one and me at twenty, and we spend almost everyday together seeing as we perform together for a living. We also appear to be related, whereas my other brothers and I look almost nothing alike. Only the two of us inherited my mother's blonde hair, while the other five are all brunettes. But that is basically as far as the similarities go. _

_All seven of us are honestly not much alike at all. I like to think of it as one perfect person cut into seven pieces. We even each other out, and we depend on each other to be able to make it through the day. I honestly don't know what I would do without my brothers. They've made me who I am today._

So lost in my own thoughts time quickly passes and before I realize, it's six o'clock already. Knowing sound check is scheduled for six-thirty, I quickly place the picture down on the nightstand and race to the bathroom with my day-bag in hand. While I wait for the water what to get hot, I take a quick glance at the mirror. Quite honestly I look like death. My eyes are blood-shoot and have dark circles under them, due to a mix of lack of sleep and smudged eye make-up. There's a long blood-red smudge dragging from the corner of my mouth to my cheek. Oh, if only the cameras could see me now!

Climbing into the shower, I fill a chill shoot down my back, and I finally feel fully awake. I quickly wash my body and hair, than jump out of the shower wrapping myself in one of the cheap hotel towels I've become so used to.

Taking my right hand, I make a circular motion against the mirror until I'm capable of seeing my face. I no longer looked like I belonged in a horror movie, but I certainly didn't look like a popstar either. Deciding I didn't have the time to dwell on it, I quickly threw on a stolen pair of Oli's sweat pants and a white t-shirt and an old Wanderers sweatshirt, before running a brush through my long, tangled hair and brushing my teeth.

Walking out of the bathroom, I began to pound on the wall that stands between the room Braden and I share and the room that is occupied by two of my other band mates, Chris and Paul. A few seconds later I here the beep of acceptance from the door lock and I know that Braden has made his way into the room. Feeling in the air that some smart-ass remark is not far from making an appearance in the form of words, I bend down to tie my sneakers and avoid looking at him in the eye.

"I thought you were going to sleep for another hour, sis?" he says in that condescending tone that he uses far too often for my liking.

"Oh go jump into a volcano or something. I swear if you don't shut up I'll put you back to sleep, but I make no promises you'll wake up."

"God, what happened to you?"

"I lack caffeine, that's what is wrong. So may we please exit the building and get me some Red Bull please?"

He nods and quickly grabs his possessions, before leaving a tip for the maid and walking out the door. Grabbing my day-bag I go into the front pouch and pull out a permanent marker, and make my way towards the closet door before neatly marking "HJM" inside of it. Returning the marker to it's place in my bag, I then turn and make my way into the hotel hallway. The mark isn't anything special, just something I've done since I was young. It was his idea…but enough about that.

As I make my way into the elevator, I find that Braden is already waiting, as well as Rob, my bodyguard and one of my favorite people in the whole world standing there with a smile on his face. He was just the kindest man I'd ever met, as intimidating as he was at six foot seven.

"Morning Hayden! How are you feeling today?"

"Eh, I'm a bit tired, well more like so tired I could lay down in this elevator and go to sleep, but other than that I'm fine. How bout' you?"

"Doing great, just got off the phone with my girls," he said right before he flashed me a cheesy grin that warmed my heart.

I gasped. "And you didn't even keep them on the line long enough for me to say hello! But that's okay, there coming to the concert tonight, right?"

"It's all they've been able to talk about for weeks. All of their school mates are so jealous that they know you!"

"Well I cannot wait to see them!" I said right as the elevator stopped and made a sound which indicated we had reached our floor.

"Are you two ready?" Rob asked suddenly looking more serious.

I looked at Braden, who was fiddling with his iPod before grabbing his wrist and nodding towards Rob. "As ready as I'm ever going to be."

As we step out of the elevator, it's seems as though somebody is directing a flashlight straight into my eyes. Keeping my grip on both Rob's shirt and Braden's wrist, we quickly weaved through what seemed like an endless amount of people, shouting thousands of questions all at the same time.

"Are you really blonde?"

"Did you actually stay in George Clooney's house while you were visiting in America?"

"Are you dating Zac Efron?"

After what seems like years we got to the bus, and quickly made our way on. I immediately run towards the mini fridge, desperate for a Red Bull, but find nothing but disappointment in the form of an empty fridge. I knew that my so-called friends had drank them, and since I was already in a terrible mood, why not go full out diva on them?

"WHERE THE HELL DID MY RED BULLS GO?" I screamed so loud, I scared the bus driver, Mike, so much that he stopped short. Everyone else just stared at me with fear in their eyes, while Rob just shook his head, trying to stifle his laughter.

Not being able to take my intense and accusing glare any longer, Braden mustered up the courage to yank me down onto the couch he was sitting in and slowly tell me that it was all moved to a cooler at the arena. I groaned in frustration and anger, and harshly threw my body against the cushion of the couch. After a while of relaxing I feel my eyes begin to droop and soon I'm back in my dream world…the memories from my past.

**..."And now, the youngest ever performer that the World Dancing Finals has ever had: HAYDEN MADDEN!!!" The crowd cheered so loud the young girl could feel her ears pop. She heard the opening count of music and began to perform the dance she had practiced so many times she could do it in her sleep. Here comes her double pirouette and she lands it for the first time ever! The little girl finishes off with her final pose as the music comes to a stop, and the roar of the crowd overcomes anything else in her mind. Making a quick curtsy, she walks off the stage with poise until her eyes reach her family. There were all six of her brothers, as well as her mommy and daddy who all had huge smiles on there faces. She was so getting another ice cream sundae tonight...**


	3. Blondes and Best Friends

"**Hey Blondie!" The young girl searched around the crowded room for the owner of the voice that spoke these words. She had no idea that he was coming. After all, she wasn't coming back home until tomorrow, where they would have there own party in their tree house.**

**Just when the young girl was about to give up searching, she spotted the young boy who seemed just shrugged and looked at her with a grin that she couldn't help but return. Pushing through the many guests trying to congratulate her, she quickly made her way over to the boy. Squealing, she ran into his open arms and threw her own around his neck. After he released her, he couldn't help but smirk and throw the words out there once again. "Hey, Blondie."**

"**WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME BLONDIE!"**

"Hayden? Yoo-hoo! Earth to HAYDEN!" I opened my eyes to find the drummer of the band, Kyle, about two inches from my face.

"Leave me alone." I moaned. I was quite enjoying this flashback type dream. Sleep was enjoyable as well and getting up definitely wasn't on the top of my priorities.

"The sooner you get inside, the sooner you get your precious Red Bull."

The statement ran through my head and suddenly I was wide awake. I realized Kyle was correct. Memories could wait. Right now I needed caffeine. I shot up, grabbed the bag that held my "stage clothes" for tonight, and ran to the bus stairs.

Fortunately, the bus was parked near the side of the venue where I couldn't be seen. It's not that I don't love meeting my fans and all of the people who come to see my shows, because I honestly adore it. But if I didn't get my Red Bull soon, I'm not sure I'd have many fans left, because I'd definitely have to cancel the show tonight due to no energy whatsoever.

_Walking into the arena, I couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic. Truth be told, Wembley Arena holds a lot of wonderful memories for me. This was the place I performed my first live show, on the first night of my very first tour. I was supporting some one-hit wonder band whose name I cannot even recall, but I remember the feeling I got performing for that first time as clearly as anyone possibly could. That tour was ten years ago, and since then I've played nearly a thousand gigs, and that amazing rush still remains. Performing is my world, and it's all that I know. Without it, I'd be lost._

I made my way to the backstage area, looking for the door with my name written on it. After a while of searching I found what I was looking for, I reached for the knob and began to turn it only to discover it was locked. Groaning loudly, I threw my head against the door in frustration before beginning to pound on the door praying that someone was inside to answer my prayers. My hand was beginning to go red, and I was in quite a lot of pain, when I heard a very familiar voice suddenly ring out into the hall.

"Hey Blondie, what that door ever do to you?" he shouted while making his way down the corridor. And just like I was as a little girl, there was no way for me to possibly contain my excitement.

"Tom!" I squealed and threw my arms around him, holding on so tight I was surprised he hadn't complained yet. And as if right on cue…

"Hay-Jay, you're killing me here. I can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry." I stepped back and winked, before throwing myself on him once again, enjoying the familiar sound of his laughter surrounding me like it used to.

_I've never actually felt anything even remotely romantic for Tom. Thomas Michael Fletcher has been my seventh brother ever since I was born. He and I grew up together as next-door neighbors in Harrow, and our mothers had been best friends since they were four. This was one of the main reasons we became so close. We were constantly together, and I can't deny enjoying nearly every second of it. I feel completely comfortable around him. I have full faith that I could tell him absolutely anything without being judged, and he could do the same with me. He's my rock, my confidant, and my best friend._

_I got my record deal when Tom was thirteen. He even joined me on my first tour, since his school was on summer holiday. When Tom and McFly got their record deal in 2003, I threw the biggest party that London has ever seen for him and the others. _

_But Tom and I haven't just celebrated the good times together. We also supported each other through the most difficult times in our lives. When my dad left my family, Tom was there to hold me while I cried. When Tom's grandmother died, I held his hand at the funeral. I doubt anybody in the world has as strong of a friendship as Tom and I, and I wouldn't trade him for anything. _

"So my darling, as much as I love the fact that you're here, I must ask. What the heck are you doing here? I thought the amazing McFly had their own gigs to attend this month?"

"Well we do, but tonight we have off. We play here in a couple days though, so were spending the weekend in Wembley. You had mentioned your final gig here last night on the phone, so the lads and I decided to pay you a surprise visit. Plus we want to see if your tickets are actually worth what they are going for and figured this was our last chance."

"Well that was quite… hold on, you said the others are here as well?"

"Ya, the girls are here too," he said. "In fact there they are right now."

I turned around and just as Tom had said, there was there other ¾ of the British pop/rock band, as well as their girlfriends. Dougie being the only single one, skipped down the corridor, arm in arm with Tom's girlfriend and one of my closest friends, Giovanna. They were skipping and making fools out of themselves for the whole world to see. Then there was Harry and his girlfriend Izzy casually strolling behind them, laughing at the sight. And finally in all his glory, Danny Jones walks with his arm around his girlfriend of the week. Shockingly, she was red head, which was different from his typical blonde bombshell conquest of the week. And unsurprisingly I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me feel as though I'm going to be sick.


	4. Surnames

"**Hayden, your brother will be home from training any minute! Come clean up the front room. He's bringing a mate of his over for some homemade ice cream."**

"**Okay Nan! I'm coming now!" The then four-year-old girl quickly made her way out of her temporary bedroom and down the stairs, happy she had already cleaned up for the most part. **

**She had just put her final Barbie back in its place when she heard two voices coming towards the front room. In came a very muddy, sweaty and disgusting Oliver. But he wasn't alone. Standing next to him was a slightly taller boy with curly hair and brown dots all over his body. He wasn't nearly as muddy as her brother, but appeared to be just as sweaty. **

"**Hay-Jay, this is Danny. He's on my footie team at camp. He plays goal keeper, and he's wicked." The polka dotted boy smiled at the compliment, and was about to thank his friend when the short blonde girl with pin straight hair and a purple dress being to speak loud and clear.**

"**Hello, I'm Hayden. I am four. I'm a dancer, a professional one. How old are you? Do you dance? Mommy says I shouldn't marry a dancer because football players make much better husbands. I think I will marry a football player. HEY YOU PLAY FOOTBALL! Do you want to marry me?"**

**Danny looked shocked at first and a bit overwhelmed with the girl. For such a tiny person she sure could talk. He had begun to think about Hayden's proposal. What would his mommy say? She told him he should get married when he found someone he loved. **

**Danny concentrated and then looked up at Hayden with a very serious look on his face. "Well do you love me?"**

**Hayden looked at the dotted boy like he was crazy and just when he thought she was going to laugh and walk away from him she giggled and said, "Of course I love you Danny! Why would I want to marry you if I didn't?"**

"**Well that's good! I've thought 'bout it just like Mum tol' me to do when I make a big choice and I'll marry you if Oli says it's okay." **

**Danny looked at Oli who was obviously contemplating whether Danny could marry his sister or not. The six-year-old boys shared a quick glance and then Oli turned to his sister and said, "He's a good pick Hay-Jay! Fine with me! But only if I can be the bestest boy!"**

**Danny nodded his head and spoke for the first time. Hayden noticed he sounded like her Daddy and Granddaddy when he talked. "Of course you'll be bestest boy, mate. You're my bestest friend after all!" **

**Oliver smiled but then heard Nan calling for him from the kitchen. "Wait here! I'll be right back!"**

"**So we'll get married in springtime, because that's when all the flowers come out. Mommy says that's the best time to be married."**

**Danny nodded his head and flashed a big grin. Hayden was pretty and she had long hair. Not messy curly hairs like his, but straight hairs you could put your fingers through without getting them caught. Plus she wore a purple dress and that was his mommy's favorite color. She was perfect!**

**Hayden was happy as well. She'd found a husband and he could play football! And he wasn't muddy! Plus he had curly hair, just like she had always wanted! And he has an accent that sounded like Daddy, Nan, and Grandad! He was perfect! But wait! She had forgotten the most important part!**

"**What's your surname? Because I can't marry a boy with a really silly surname like Kasprowitz or Schwartchzanegar!"**

**Danny, worried that he might lose the love of his life already quickly said, "Jones. My last name is Jones. That's a normal surname, isn't it?"**

"**Hmm… Jones. I like it! HAYDEN JONES! What do you think?"**

"**Sounds perfect!"**

"You know you're really quite hypocritical, Madden."

_There he was, leaning on the doorway into my dressing room with a smirk on his face. I sound like such a teeny-bopper, but he honestly does make me go weak in the knees when he looks at me._

"How so, Jones?"

"Well you used to say that straightening my hair was such a waste of time, yet everyday you spend a half hour with that curling iron."

"Well that's because I actually look good when I finish 'wasting my time`, where as you looked just as hideous after you spent the time with the flat iron." _Lie._

"Please, you know I'm sexy, Hayden. Don't try and deny it."

_He speaks the truth. But this isn't something that I just figured out. I've known Danny was something to look at since I was four. But time had certainly been good to Danny Jones. They don't exactly call him a teenage heartthrob for nothing. But does he actually expect me to admit that. Not a chance._

"Sorry Danny, but I'm not blind or deaf. I can see and hear you clearly. So obviously, I don't find you even the slightest bit attractive. But good try, Jones. Maybe one day you'll actually win in a conversation."

"Whatever, if you don't want to admit it, I won't embarrass you any further. I was just sent in here to tell you to hurry up. You're on in ten minutes."

"Well thank you for telling me what I already knew, Daniel. And just so you're aware, being embarrassed isn't my style. I have no problem telling someone if they're good looking. It's just that I've never felt the need to lie to you before, so why start now?"

_Well there's just another lie to add onto my "Lies I've Told In The Past Five Minutes" list. I don't mean to lie to him. In fact, I feel terrible about it. I wasn't always like this. I used to be able to tell Danny anything. But now, he bears all his truths to me and I do nothing but feed him lies. I suck._

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Hayden. Everyone knows how lovely you really think I am."

"Sure they do. And they also know that you worship the ground I walk on, let's not waste time denying."

Suddenly the screaming of fans became increasingly louder and I couldn't help but feel excited.

"Look Harrow, I'm not backing down or anything, but we don't have time to fight like usual. You have a whole arena waiting to see you and your unnatural curls."

"Fine Bolton, I'll drop it for now, but only because I'm sure there we'll be much banter after the most amazing concert you've ever seen."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Right back at you, Jones."

_He headed out the door of my dressing room and I took time to admire the various posters on the wall, including one of my dream husband..._

"Hey Danny!"

_He turned back around and looked at me with that grin that turned me into mush._

"What?"

"I'm thinking about asking Orlando Bloom to marry me next time I see him. What do you think about the name Hayden Bloom?

"I still think Hayden Jones sounds perfect."


End file.
